The following is a step-by-step guide on how to become the most hated guy in Honduras. Thanks to ex-President Zelaya for his contributions.
1. Announce that, as President, you want to add a ballot during the regularly scheduled elections (November 2009) to determine whether a Constitutional Assembly should be convened to amend the Constitution (but don't announce what changes you're hoping to make, even if people suspect that you're trying to amend the one-term law which limits a President's term to four years and prohibits re-election).
2. Decide that you will conduct an opinion poll to allow the general public to vote on whether they want to add the aforementioned ballot to the elections (regardless of the fact that the Constitution prevents any referendums from being made 180 days prior to or after an election, and regardless of the fact that the executive branch does not have the authority to hold such a vote).
3. After Congress passes a bill prohibiting the opinion poll (which they've ruled is unconstitutional, as mentioned in step 2), decide that you'll use your taxpayer's money to hire an independent firm to conduct the vote.
4. Order your Chief of Armed Forces to distribute the ballot boxes (which Congress said was illegal). (Note: the Armed Forces is the entity that conducts elections so you have to ask them to do this).
5. At this point your Chief of Armed Forces will refuse to carry out this illegal activity for you. Fire him promptly. The commanders of the Air Force and Navy will resign in protest but you can just announce that you'll run things completely on your own from now on.
6. Congress will then say "Excuse me, you can't fire these people, they will be reinstated, ok? Thanks, bye-bye." You may now refuse to comply with this announcement and retaliate by leading a mob into the Armed Forces Headquarters to pick up the ballot boxes in order to distribute them yourself. While it is legal for you to enter Headquarters, it may be seen as illegal to break through the gate and lead civilians in, but just go ahead and disregard that for now.
7. Collect the ballot boxes that were assembled in, and delivered from, Venezuela. Your good friend Hugo Chavez, who oversaw the assembly (and maybe stuffed the boxes for you in advance) sends his best and wishes you good luck.
8. Brace yourself, because now that you've pissed off Congress, the Supreme Court, and your own political party, they will be sending the Army over to your house to walk you out at gunpoint and put you on a plane and expatriate you to Costa Rica (they should arrest you and put you in jail but this could lead to civil violence, so they would rather decide to send you away). This will endear you to the international community so don't worry just yet. And mention your pajamas repeatedly.
9. The international community will now rally to you, despite your strong ties to Castro and Chavez, and demand that you be reinstated (we can't figure out why they fail to understand that your removal from office was legally mandated either, so just roll with it).
10. After a few days of putting your cause out there, and getting support from the media and other governments, decide that you will triumphantly return to your country to take up your post.
11. When the army blocks the runway with their tanks and prevents you from landing, just send out a call over national radio asking your supporters to break into the runway and show those armed soliders who's boss. One of your supporters will unfortunately lose his life over this crazy endeavor, and the runway will remain blocked so that you'll have to land in El Salvador, but at least you got the media attention you wanted.
12. For the love of God, don't try to go back to Honduras! They have about 12 arrest warrants with your name on them, including treason and drug trafficking. Stay low, continue to fly around to Washington and Costa Rica and gather international support for your cause.
13. At this point the international community will appoint a Nobel Peace laureate as mediator so that you and the interim government that was legally appointed after you were exiled can reach an agreement. The interim government will obstinately refuse to reinstate you and threaten to arrest you if you return but you still have international support. Find a way to drag this out forever.
Ta-da!
This step-by-step guide does not include the pre-requisite tasks that must be concluded first in order to fully piss of a country. These actions include appealing to the poorest sectors of society claiming you are "one of the people" despite your multi-million business enterprises; flying yourself, your family, your extended family, your servants, and your horse to various countries on taxpayer money (call it public relations); allying yourself with Chavez and joining him in talking crap about the U.S., your traditional ally and largest trading partner (also disregarding the thousands of Honduran immigrants that are awaiting a decision on their refugee status in the U.S.). There's more but this should keep you busy for now.
Congratulations, you've just become the most hated man in Honduras!
***
In all seriousness, if this was a research paper, I would have cited all the steps listed above. But (thank God!) I'm not in school anymore so I don't have to follow the rules. Instead, I've assembled a bunch of links that explain and document the situation better than I have (I'm no political or legal expert, I'm just a relocated Honduran that is worried and upset and a tad pissed off at several people, including Clinton (cow)). A million thanks to my friend Figgy and to La Gringa for rounding up these links. Please check out their sites if you want to learn more, they're doing an amazing job of reporting on the issue from the actual scene.
Events leading up to removal of President Zelaya
Following the removal of President Zelaya
Diplomatic Attempts
Trying to return to the country
The U.S. Stance
Chavez being insane
Going on in U.S. Congress
It wasn't a coup
Testimony of The Honorable Otto J. Reich, Committee on Foreign Affairs
Why Honduras Sent Zelaya Away
1 comment:
You are welcome!
I think they will make a movie of this one day.
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