Wikipedia is Evil

So there I was, having finished reading Wizard and Glass. Three more books left in the Dark Tower series, all ready for me to start reading them. There was just one issue. Just as fervently as Rock had talked up book four, he assured me that the rest of the series was terrible.

“How terrible?”
“Pretty terrible, you won’t want to waste your time.”
“Interesting.”

Well, I had put my faith in his review of book four, and he was right…would I really want to spend the time and money to find out if he was right about this too? But what could be so bad about them? Incredibly curious, I skimmed through the remaining three books and caught a couple of key words: vampires, wolves, priest from Salem’s lot, Eddie Dean asking Roland “do you know who this Stephen King guy is?” Ok, that was really the one that sealed the deal. I mean, come on, you wrote yourself in the story? Really?

Thoroughly disgusted, I realized I didn’t really care to go through the exercise of finishing the series. After all, even though you need to read books one through three to appreciate four, the really absorbing story of book four is contained within book four…but I was dying to know how the whole thing would end. How to find out? Do they write Cliff’s notes for these things? As it turns out, they do, in a manner of speaking. A quick google search led me to Wikipedia pages. Thus began my slippery slope into reading plot summaries of books I didn’t care about but which had me desperately intrigued. So I found out what happens in the end of the Dark Tower series (very disappointing ending, Mr. King) and I spared myself the suspense. I’m not proud. I spared myself the suspense of reading stories from the master of suspense (he is quite good in that respect). It’s like choosing to get full on French fries rather than going to the most fantastic French restaurant. I know.

Sadly, though, there is no redemption in this story. I decided to watch the Twilight movie when it came out on DVD. I wanted to know why it was the New York Times’ Editor’s Choice and one of Amazon’s Best Books of the Decade…So Far. But I know that the movie is never the same as the book so I read the first book. Well, there’s a lot wrong with this one (the fact that I’m reading a teen angst book being one thing). I won’t go into it, especially when others have done a much better job than I ever could. Suffice it to say that I disagree with the New York Times and Amazon…fervently. Also, I may have found the one and only instance of a movie that actually improves on the book.

In other words, not one of my favorite books. And the story doesn’t end there. It goes on for three more books, each increasingly longer than the last. Well, I think we all know where this story is going. Ten minutes later I’m at the end of the Wikipedia summaries, again not feeling proud of myself, but at least I didn’t spend the next six days gagging and rolling my eyes at the “star-crossed lovers.” I suppose if I had nothing else to do, I would have endured it better.

Finally, the point to all this: Wikipedia is evil. No longer will I have to actually read books (that’s so last century apparently) or even have them read to me. I can just get the bastardized versions and spare myself the trouble. I’ve become like those people that watch the movie instead of reading the book, except it’s like I’m watching the 30-Second Bunnies Theater of The Shining. I should be pelted with tomatoes. But maybe I just don’t like over-bloated, self-glorified, needlessly-lengthy series that manufacture excessive side plots instead of pushing the story forward. What would I know, though, I didn’t read it.

Wizard and Glass (Book IV The Dark Tower Series) – Stephen King

I started Stephen King’s The Dark Tower series over a year ago. I put it down halfway through book two and didn’t really care to pick it up again until I started driving to work and listening to the same CDs over and over and over and over…Given Rock’s assurances that the first half of the series was some of King’s best work, I decided to venture into audiobook territory. I started with book two again and, I was surprised to discover, I actually liked having it read to me. Apparently I started with a very good audiobook, as far as audiobooks go, because the narrator, Frank Muller, is “the superstar of audiobooks.” I have also heard two other audiobooks not read by Muller and the difference is undeniable. The man is an audiobook superstar.

And so it went, through book two and eventually through book three, and finally to book four, Wizard and Glass. At this point Rock assured me that book four was perhaps King’s best story ever. Actually, he had assured me about this for so long now that I needed to read it just to know whether I disagreed with him or not. Well, I listened to about half of the book before I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed his tattered copy off the shelf and was about 90% done with the whole book by the time I managed to stop myself so that I could listen to the audiobook that I had paid so much money for.

The story centers largely on Roland’s adventures shortly after winning his duel with Cort and earning his guns. Roland’s father sends Roland away to the far-off land of Mejis for his own protection, along with his friends Alain and Cuthbert. In Mejis, Roland falls in love with Susan Delgado and, together with Alain and Cuthbert, uncovers plans by “the Good Man” to attack Gilead, their hometown. The events in the book are defining moments for the character of Roland; it is, essentially, where we learn why Roland is who he is and why he sets out on the quest for the Dark Tower.

I highly recommend this book. I had enjoyed books two and three (and one, but I always see one as a separate story for some reason) but was oftentimes put-off by the sheer weirdness of everything that happens. I think the audiobook media was partly to blame. The story takes such unusual turns and contains so many other-worldly elements that if I zoned out for even a few seconds I would lose track of what had happened. On the other hand, while Wizard and Glass does contain mystical themes, it is, at the core, a suspenseful, romantic, tragic, coming-of-age adventure story.

One element of King’s writing that I found particularly enjoyable (though maddening at the same time) is his blatant foreshadowing, such as sentences along the lines of “and that was the last time they saw each other” or “he would come to bitterly regret this decision during the events that followed.” Of course, in a larger sense, we already know how this story turns out since we are introduced to Roland well after these events have taken place and can surmise how they unfolded in order to shape who he is. Still, blatantly telling the reader what is going to happen is, in my opinion, a very effective way of making the reader take notice, by putting the reader in the place of God: we understand what the characters don’t and we can see what they can’t, namely the defining moments that will alter their future. As the reader, I wanted to scream at the characters, as if I was watching a scary movie (“Don’t open that door, that’s where the killer is! Run! Run the other way!”). And I desperately wanted (hoped for) a different ending, even though the ending was always well known and inevitable.

The story is very romantic but it kicks ass too. Two favorite moments are: “the girl at the window” (again, an infuriatingly clever moment where King lets us know that this vision of Susan at the window is Roland’s favorite and strongest memory of her); and, Alain, Cuthbert, and Roland taking out 40 or so men by following them from behind and picking them off one by one. There are many other very good moments. In fact, I have nothing bad to say about this book (except that it was so tragic in my opinion, that I was still going on about it days after I finished it). It has characters I came to love, characters I came to hate (murderously), moments that made me giddy, moments that made me cry.

Happy Birthday Rock!

We here at Occasional Sin Enterprises wish to extend our deepest sympathies to fellow blogger Rock over at Nobody Comes Here Inc., on his yearly oldening day (thank you Bbungles for my new favorite term!). Don't overdo the cake and make sure to thank your mother :)

As this will be my post for the day, I also have to squeeze in a couple of screenshots from my latest WoW adventures. It seems to be Easter over at World of Warcraft (except it's called Noblegarden Festival and it's, oh, late April...still, it's an egg hunt). Everyone playing this weekend, me included, looked like a bunch of idiots running around collecting virtual eggs. No, I know, I know, someday I will write up an eloquent post in which I explain my theory on how WoW is really a way to indulge in obsessive-compulsive behavior. Nevertheless, there I was. The hunt was not entirely unfruitful: I got a spring bunny pet and I got turned into a spring bunny too. I particularly love how even virtual cats are essentially lazy critters. So true.

Mood: celebratory
TV/Music/Book: The Return of the King Extended Edition cast commentary

PTO Day for the Win

One nice thing about having a stereotypical cubicle desk job and 8-hour work days is getting paid time off, which means you can take a mini-vacation any day you want and not have to excuse yourself. Last night I realized with dread that I would have to wake up in eight hours, drag myself out of bed, commute for an hour, and go to work. This morning I realized I can call PTO day! It's like asking for a time-out.

Some WoW was played, a cake was baked, a latte was sipped out in the park, and x-files will be on the tv soon. I did catch some of today's most popular stories, the vast majority focusing on the impending swine flu epidemic (pandemic?). It seems pretty nuts, although I am confused about the severity of it since it essentially acts as a flu and, while in some cases swine flu can lead to pneumonia and death through respiratory failure, I do believe a regular flu can also be fatal. And doesn't the common flu also mutate and spread really easily and pop up everywhere around the world? Admittedly, it is quite scary to see it start up in Mexico, jump to the U.S., Canada, New Zealand, Ireland, etc. Before you know it, Madagascar is closing down EVERYTHING. And then the undead come...

First Bike Ride of the Season!

Which means it is finally a respectable, tolerable, sunny, breezy spring day. I feel quite proud of the fact that I rode my bike for over two hours this morning. I am amazed that I did not want to curl up and die from exhaustion. I do believe the sweaty, tiresome hours spent at the gym everyday for the past six months may be paying off somehow...despite weighing exactly the same now as I did back then :(

I will overlook the fact that Rock's first ride of the season occurred about two months ago in 32 degree weather and congratulate myself once again. So, yay!

Mood: tired, amazed
TV/Music/Book: Star Trek, in which something stupid happens with the holodeck...again