Wikipedia is Evil

So there I was, having finished reading Wizard and Glass. Three more books left in the Dark Tower series, all ready for me to start reading them. There was just one issue. Just as fervently as Rock had talked up book four, he assured me that the rest of the series was terrible.

“How terrible?”
“Pretty terrible, you won’t want to waste your time.”
“Interesting.”

Well, I had put my faith in his review of book four, and he was right…would I really want to spend the time and money to find out if he was right about this too? But what could be so bad about them? Incredibly curious, I skimmed through the remaining three books and caught a couple of key words: vampires, wolves, priest from Salem’s lot, Eddie Dean asking Roland “do you know who this Stephen King guy is?” Ok, that was really the one that sealed the deal. I mean, come on, you wrote yourself in the story? Really?

Thoroughly disgusted, I realized I didn’t really care to go through the exercise of finishing the series. After all, even though you need to read books one through three to appreciate four, the really absorbing story of book four is contained within book four…but I was dying to know how the whole thing would end. How to find out? Do they write Cliff’s notes for these things? As it turns out, they do, in a manner of speaking. A quick google search led me to Wikipedia pages. Thus began my slippery slope into reading plot summaries of books I didn’t care about but which had me desperately intrigued. So I found out what happens in the end of the Dark Tower series (very disappointing ending, Mr. King) and I spared myself the suspense. I’m not proud. I spared myself the suspense of reading stories from the master of suspense (he is quite good in that respect). It’s like choosing to get full on French fries rather than going to the most fantastic French restaurant. I know.

Sadly, though, there is no redemption in this story. I decided to watch the Twilight movie when it came out on DVD. I wanted to know why it was the New York Times’ Editor’s Choice and one of Amazon’s Best Books of the Decade…So Far. But I know that the movie is never the same as the book so I read the first book. Well, there’s a lot wrong with this one (the fact that I’m reading a teen angst book being one thing). I won’t go into it, especially when others have done a much better job than I ever could. Suffice it to say that I disagree with the New York Times and Amazon…fervently. Also, I may have found the one and only instance of a movie that actually improves on the book.

In other words, not one of my favorite books. And the story doesn’t end there. It goes on for three more books, each increasingly longer than the last. Well, I think we all know where this story is going. Ten minutes later I’m at the end of the Wikipedia summaries, again not feeling proud of myself, but at least I didn’t spend the next six days gagging and rolling my eyes at the “star-crossed lovers.” I suppose if I had nothing else to do, I would have endured it better.

Finally, the point to all this: Wikipedia is evil. No longer will I have to actually read books (that’s so last century apparently) or even have them read to me. I can just get the bastardized versions and spare myself the trouble. I’ve become like those people that watch the movie instead of reading the book, except it’s like I’m watching the 30-Second Bunnies Theater of The Shining. I should be pelted with tomatoes. But maybe I just don’t like over-bloated, self-glorified, needlessly-lengthy series that manufacture excessive side plots instead of pushing the story forward. What would I know, though, I didn’t read it.